I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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