I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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