your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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