What a fucking waste of an outfit
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
