I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
His hands were made for my vagina.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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