Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
