so that wasnt chicken after all
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize