i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
