Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
