I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
