why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
