My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize