is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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