Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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