it was like his penis was on wheels.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I need to align my fucking chakras
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
