She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She's just so happy...and so naked.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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