new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
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