And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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