Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
