I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
