doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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