What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
