Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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