Well apparently he's into motor boating.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
