I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize