i don't like sucking hair
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
