that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize