Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
