Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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