Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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