I checked into jail on foursquare
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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