girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
