i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
