just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
