I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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