Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Four minutes until I can fart!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
