before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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