the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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