I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
