I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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