mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
