The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
