he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
