drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize