I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
