My liver just broke up with me...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
