Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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