I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
