Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
