saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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