I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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