my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
