You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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