His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
sarcasm needs its own font
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
