Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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