Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
