Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize