I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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