I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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