Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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