Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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