My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
