then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
