Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
