Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
