P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
