Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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