But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
