Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize