first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
