Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We are two peas in an std pod
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
