Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
3pm strippers are depressing
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
