i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
