we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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