so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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