Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
we're making bets on your personal life
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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