drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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