omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
