forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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