We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
