Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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