We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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