And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I didn't notice because vodka
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Randomize
