I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
